Home > ghazal > Can We Hold Hands While They Die?

Can We Hold Hands While They Die?

Someone or a lover, held your hands, in case you die,
How many hands, have you held being nice, while they die?

Dying is lonely, with no one there, to hold your hand,
Could you hold their hands, not thinking twice, while they die?

Will you shed a tear, while you watch deeply listening,
As friends who suffered and sacrifice, while they die?

Know as His love, showing up, when angels wings flutter,
Mothers dying who held their hand like ice, while they die?

Speaking of tears, his heart torn when you held her hand,
No tear, never knew  love a terrible price, while they die?

Drying their tears, pray with others and holding their hand,
Death spear pierce your heart, nothing will suffice, while they die?

True death and true love and divine love, will hold your hand,
Bring life, love and touch true Roses’ advice, while they die?

Advertisements
  1. Gay
    August 12, 2011 at 1:50 am

    The human touch – hand to hand, finger to finger – as Adam hung on that precipice alone waiting for Michelangelo to finish the hand of God to give him life vaulted high on a refectory ceiling the picture pervades my mind. A mother’s finger wrapped by a hand at birth – that same hand wrapping hers in death. An infinity of souls sent beyond this life with the last touch of each being a familiar hand. Beautifully wrought here and meaningful. Thank you!

    Like

  2. August 12, 2011 at 2:23 am

    Pretty heavy, but very well written. Love the way your name was used in the end. You speak of a special person, that is for sure. Good use of the form too from my unlearned opinion:) But I really liked it.

    http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/2011/08/churns-dream.html

    Like

  3. August 12, 2011 at 3:12 am

    mmm…you picked a tough topic but seem to have pulled off the form well…have held the dying hand and what a hard place to be…

    Like

  4. August 12, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Holding a dying hand, sad moments… but your words bring home the need for that hand to be there… a lovely message to convey, giving that need a voice.

    Like

  5. August 12, 2011 at 9:08 am

    i held my dad’s hand when he was dying – so really touched by this..

    Like

  6. August 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors starting from a traditional perspective but also looking at modern developments. I draw on Agha Shahid Ali’s, chapter from An Exaltation of forms (Ed Finch and Varnes). This is a poem of his based on the traditional rules. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172051

    1) Association
    One of the key factors of the form – traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And stand alone as the order should not matter. Mixing them works but it has a hint of a narrative flow.

    2) Theme
    This is clearly about the last moments saying farewell and loss so falls well within the Ghazal range even if not a classical theme.

    3) Couplets
    You have done the classic seven with no enjambment. Some enjambment occurs in the modern forms but as the exception in the poem rather then the norm. You have cleverly fitted the narrator/writer in the last couplet,

    4) Rhyme and refrain
    In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain and internal rhyme in the first and second line. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and internal rhyme would be on the second line. You are one of the few to pick up on the internal rhyme so well done. You missed out the rhyme in the first line of the first couplet but this is only a minor niggle

    5) Metre
    I don’t think you have gone for metre but I noticed a regular 13 beat line
    In short, it has all the classical Ghazal features and a modern theme – well done.

    Like

    • August 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm

      To :John @ bookdreamer .
      Thank you so much for your prompt and thorough assessment of the ghazal! I value every word and technique so I may learn.

      Thank all of you for letting me participate. I like it.

      I look forward to reading a lot more and so much to grasp. Wow! Stay Well! I am so excited!

      Like

  7. August 12, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    This is really moving.

    Like

  8. August 12, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Hey Sharon,

    I was really moved by this piece of Khazal – as i felt
    a strong level of emotion eminating from your passion and delivery.

    Cheers

    Arron

    Like

  9. August 12, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Heavens…this is touching…pardon the pun! Deep, and perhaps, to my own ear, somewhat frightening as we consider the heaviness of each and every couplet. Each easily stands alone with its own inspirations to ponder. And hasn’t John been awesome! Really enjoyed the write!

    Like

  10. August 13, 2011 at 1:25 am

    Such a tragic sentiment lingers throughout, leaves me with an ache. Thank you for sharing these words ~ Rose

    Like

  11. August 13, 2011 at 5:04 am

    This is quite beautiful, poignant. I’ve had the honor of holding the hand of the dying more times than I can count (as a nurse I worked in hospice and with the dying almost 50 years). You have captured the mood and managed a well-spun Ghazal.

    Like

  12. August 13, 2011 at 6:44 am

    Deeply moving poem, with images that seize us by the hand and cut to the heart.

    Like

  13. August 15, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    Moving and beautiful. For me, although the theme is clear, the poem nevertheless has some of that mystery we are told is a feature of the ghazal, and I like that aspect very much.

    Like

  1. September 16, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Comments are appreciated.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: