Home > a poetry > Not Like Other Women

Not Like Other Women

She is not like other women,
Strong and enduring a lot of travel,
Going the distance she persevered through.
She gains her strength from her family.
Her breath strained but getting better.
By day she fights to get up every day.
Nights are long in the winter.
Sunny days are cold, cold, and cold,
Making her realize she’s old, old, and old.

She is not like other women,
Through the glass there is a blur in the bevel,
Peering harder we cannot believe it is true,
Keeping in touch she comes up the walk ‘beamily’.
Mid winter all she donned was a sweater.
Greeting her we all stand in the way.
Up the stairs she glides like a sprinter.
Loving the house she cries sold, sold, and sold.
Solitary and alone she has become bold, bold, and bold.

She is not like other women,
Working hard throughout her life the field was level,
Shoes every three months, time she needed to accrue.
Late nights she painted and wrote wearily.
Daybreak she rises and watched the sunrise over water.
Waves breaking shore creating a beautiful sea spray.
Late spring and early summer she lives a new chapter.
Walking and swimming her breath she would hold, hold, and hold.
As the sun sets she appreciates seeing white birds turn gold, gold, and gold.

She is not like other women,
Knowing there was no time in youth to revel,
Aware before midlife she’ll bid life an early adieu.
She fills each moment seeing and doing merrily.
Still her eyes light up and sparkle like glitter.
Constantly and quietly in her mind’s eye she will pray.
Avoid the noise of the world and all that clatter.
Love covers all so many stories must go untold, untold, and untold.
Many promises kept and love to uphold, uphold, and uphold.

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  1. August 19, 2011 at 3:00 am

    nice…the repitition is a nice device…would drop the and in each of them though…think there is a lot of room for tightening in each of these stanzas…lots of personal prounouns that are unnecessary and will give each line a bit more bang…but the concept is def here and an enjoyable read…

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  2. August 19, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Like very much that you don’t rhyme within your stanzas but rhyme stanzas together. A lot of craft you show here. Some choice lines such as

    Through the glass there is a blur in the bevel,

    Aware before midlife she’ll bid life an early adieu.

    Some gentle poignancy in this well-penned piece.

    Because you’re writing in form I think this piece would be enhanced if the lines that rhymed with each other (stanza to stanza) scanned exactly with one another; the meter element is not omnipresent. It has the feel of a ballad, but the to my mind does need addressing. Also think the triple repetition (old, old, old/bold, bold, bold) is one too many – repetition serves a fine poetic device (partic in ballads or poems that have the feel of a ballad) – but I’m feeling it’s overused here. Twice would serve you better in my opinion. This is also because the words you use to rhyme (old/bold/cold etc) are monosyllabic and quite common; we must tread carefully with these lest they begin to sound a little forced/corny in rhyming.

    Beyond that, it’s a fine piece of poetry; thanks for linking it up to d’Verse. I hope you found this somewhat useful

    Luke

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  3. August 19, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Sharon – I am not qualified as such, and cannot comment or critique as the two gentleman before me … I just know what I like to read. This was enjoyable … Have a great weekend!

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  4. August 19, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    For me the poem picks up at the beginning of the second stanza with that first clarion image– as much concrete imagery as possible i.e. showing vs telling would bring forth the emotional power of this poem. Lovely– xxxj I’m at http://parolavivace.blogspot.com .

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  5. August 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    i much like that you painted this woman before our eyes… and i like the way you convey it..stanza by stanza and the repetition works really well in my opinion

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